Like every other loser who doesn’t have a life, I stayed up late on Friday night to make sure I could grab “Mockaholic” as my Facebook vanity URL. So, if you want to be my friend, now all you have to do is go to http://www.facebook.com/mockaholic
It’s really amazing to see the Facebook developers so excited in this video about the smooth launch of the vanity names feature. And it is a very big accomplishment…for the year 2001. What’s next, a video of the Facebook engineers excited about adding a pop-up ad feature?
But apparently Facebook thinks this is the key to their future success, as opposed to that whole “selling your soul to Satan” thing that was bandied about recently.
Anyway, Let’s get back to my exciting Friday night. I wanted to be sure that I got the vanity url I wanted, so I watched the clock and at 11:00PM (CDT), I pounced like a cat on a tamale. (It’s a little-known fact that cats are quite fond of tamales. Forget Cheezburgers, if lolCats had known this, they would have named their site “I can haz tomawlee?”)
My speed and tamale-cat agility paid off. I had secured the “Mockaholic” brand for all eternity. Now I can pass it on to my son and he can pass it on to his son, assuming he doesn’t waste the family business on drugs and hookers, which is a definite possiblity.
I really wanted my actual name, but I knew that would be impossible to get and I didn’t want to end up with “jeff.smith2287436540.
I was quite proud of myself until this morning, when Mrs. Mockaholic asked what I was writing about today.
“The Great Facebook Land Rush,” I said between bites of cold pizza.
She looked up from her granola and fruit and asked, “What’s that?”
I explained to her what had happened on Friday night and how imperative it is to have “just the right” vanity URL.
“That’s what you were doing Friday night?” she asked. “I thought you were looking at porn.”
I immediately thought “she’s onto me” and my eyes widened in fear. But she let the subject pass and reached over to my computer and punched a few keys. Then she punched a few more.
“There,” she said casually. “I just reserved my name so all my high school and college friends can find me easily.”
And that’s what wives are for. They help you understand that – no matter how much of a loser you already feel like – you’re actually a MUCH bigger loser.
Now, if I can just get a verified Twitter account…
-J
