Techcrunch is reporting that Facebook has seen an explosion of growth over the last few months, much of it due to lonely 50 year-old divorcees looking to reconnect with High School lovers Facebook Connect.

Facebook Connect is an API system that allows any website in the world to login its users with their Facebook credentials, and bring their friends along with them. Thankfully, now college students can post their drunken party pics on sites as varied as The New York Times Online and FoxNews.com.

Facebook Connect has enjoyed such a ridiculous amount of success that traffic for Facebook.com is quickly approaching that of Yahoo and Google.

In response to this news, Google issued new orders to make Open Social more “opener” and to speed up the release of Google Wave to next Friday, whether it’s ready or not.

Google spokesman Nicholas Sartruno said that Google was not taking this challenge lightly. “We’re not taking this challenge lightly,” he said.

Then he whispered something to me about Facebook being funded by Al Qaeda and that perhaps we should do a story on that.

Gary Grell, spokesman for Yahoo, had a different take.

“Did you know we were the number one site before Google even existed?” asked Grell, the melody of Springsteen’s Glory Days playing softly from his computer.

“We had 35% of all web traffic. Our stock was the top performing stock of the late 90’s. We were…oh, wait! I love this part!”

Grell then cranked the volume on his iTunes and sang loudly with the Boss. “Time slips away…leaves you nothin’ mister but…boring stories of…”

In a related story, executives at Classmates.com have become alarmed at the uncontrollable sobbing of their CEO. Most days, they have to lead him by the arm from his car to his office as he shakes his head and cries “It shoulda been me! ME!”

One executive who asked for anonymity expressed his concern by saying, “Yeah, that’s sad and all, but do you know if Facebook’s hiring?”

-J